I Live For:

Grace through Jesus Christ

Hearing my kids say "I Love You"

Spooning with my husband

My dog's wet nose

Minnesota seasons

Blue skies

Sleeping with the fan on

Rain drops on my skin

The smell of flowers

Trips to Rainy Lake

A cheeseburger...with red onion, bacon, lettuce, bacon, and more cheese!

An even better margarita

Chocolate

Coffee

Did I say coffee?

How about chocolate?

Caribou Coffee...not Starbucks...True Minnesotan!

Family...especially my momma!!!!

A great shot through my lens

Reruns of Sex and the City

Popcorn and TV time with my babe (as in husband, not babes)

Feeding Joshua...I love when a man licks his fingers from good food!

The scent of fresh cut grass

A good cry

The sound of the wind

Soundtracks from Broadway musicals

Matilda by Roald Dahl

The first snowfall

The sight of a majestic eagle

Watching the snow come down through the light of the street lamps

A puzzle

A new book that creaks when you open it

Fantastic love stories

Courage
Romance
Friendship

And the ability to love, forgive, and forget...all while keeping my sense of humor, with a smile on my face!

What do you live for?

Marianne

From Death...Back to Life

Happy Father's Day!  Considering that today is Father's Day, I thought what a perfect time to tell the story of my relationship with MY dad!

My dad was your typical dad growing up.  He woke early for work, was gone during the day, didn't change diapers...at night he played catch with us kids or we loved to play the games Chinese Checkers or Sorry!  He took us fishing, trips to Duluth to the zoo or train museum, ice cream, occasional camp outs in the yard...dad stuff! 


What makes my dad different from your dad?  He almost died when I was 15.  

My dad was in a snowmobile accident on December 28, 1997.  Our family was gathered in Andover, to watch some football and enjoy some after Christmas together-ness.  I never thought my life would change that day.  Dad hit his head and had massive swelling in his brain.  They rushed him to the hospital, where they operated and removed some bone in his skull to make room for the swelling.

   
The doctors didn't think he would make it through the night.  I have never been so scared.  The prayer chains were started...he survived that first night...the rest is a distant memory.  My dad came home on my parents anniversary...March 1st.  God is good.

The trials after my dad came home were BIG!  It took a lot of adjusting and refamilarizing ourselves with this "new dad."  I thought dealing with the possibility of losing my dad at 15 was hard...I was wrong.  The person who came home from the hospital was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with.  Time would tell.  God is good.

Fast forward to today.  My dad is still my dad.  The past is still the past.  Our lives were forever changed with his accident and injury.  We can make jokes and laugh about it now, but I never want to go back to those days.  I thank God everyday for the man that is my dad.  The man that my children call Grandpa.  The man that is here with us today.  He is a blessing.  He is my friend.  I couldn't ask for a better role model, someone who would give you the shirt off his back.  He taught me how to work hard and never give up.  I am thankful for every day that I get with him.  I am blessed to know such an amazing man, that I am lucky enough to call my dad.  I think my brother and sister and cousin Sara would agree. 

On this Father's Day, I want to say thank you to my dad.  I love you.  I want to say thank you to God.  Thank you for giving us one more day with him.  

Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.

You Wanna What?

This is going to be my newest reaction, to my cousin Sara, when she tells me she wants to have more kids.

"You wanna what!?!" 

Why would this be my response?  I have two kids of my own, I know!  For the last 2 1/2 days I went from my normal two kids to four kids.  I was watching Addison-9 months, Eli- 2 years 10 months, Natalie-5 years 11 months, 

and Justin-7 years. 

A little back story....I have struggled with wanting more kids, since we stopped having kids, so I jumped at the chance of being able to watch Addi and JC.  I love kids!  I love being a momma and in my mind, I always thought I wanted one more.  

After we had Eli, Ross ended up having a vasectomy because my  first pregnancy was so/so and my second one was much more difficult.  Headaches, early contractions, trips to the hospital, lots of time on the couch.  I could handle that with one kid but it wouldn't feel right being laid up on the couch when I had two other kids to care for.

Natalie

Eli

Yes...I had/asked/begged Ross to have the vasectomy.  I was the one who was seeded and got to grow and carry those precious angels for nine months and then the icing on the three layer cake was pushing the bowling ball out of my yoo-hoo!  I was almost positive Ross wouldn't mind a little soldering!!!!!  Hey, I said no expletives....I still need to be me!  Let me tell you friends...he wore that bag of peas like a champ!!

After the procedure I went through some major post-partum depression.  Did we make the right decision?  Was it too soon?  Should we have waited?  I gained a lot of weight and just felt horrible about myself.  I wanted more, but I had so much.  That is the difficult part of depression.  I just wanted to be happy, but all I could do was cry.  Fast forward to the present....a trip to the doctor, a low dose anti-depressant, healthier eating, stronger faith in God, and a true enjoyment in my kids has been the absolute cure for me!

Now to this weekend and why I just gave you that not-so-short back story.  When Jason and Addison came, we were overjoyed!  Two more kids to play with!  Ross was working, so I sent him lots of pictures and gave that baby tons of kisses.  

Let me tell you, if Natalie was anything like Addi as a baby, we probably would have skipped the big "V" and had 12 kids...NO LIE!  She is the perfect baby!!!  She doesn't cry, she barely fusses, she is an amazing eater, always smiling!!!  Perfection!  I told Ross it makes me want to have a third kid, his response "That's nice!"  I texted my mother in law and told her the same thing, she laughed.  The next morning I texted her again and said "JUST KIDDING!"  After going through the night with a baby, no matter how adorable they are during the day...this woman likes her sleep.  Babies just don't sleep like a 3 and 6 year old.  I had forgotten that.

I am just in love with being in love.  I am in love with being pregnant, no matter how sucky the pregnancy.  I am in love with the whole process of labor and delivery.  NO, I am not on drugs!  My two kids were both born in under three hours with no drugs.  The thought of having more kids is just not in the cards for my husband and I.  I am a stay at home momma who loves the two that she has.  It is what I can handle and I am starting a business.  I have dreams now.  Dreams for me that I never had before.  I love (there's that word again) having kids that are growing up to be friends and becoming more independent.  I love (yet, again) to be needed, but not so much.

In closing, Sara...I think you are nuts for wanting to have more kids, but I totally understand the desire and the love you have for children!  It just isn't what I want anymore!  Two is plenty, Four is a party!!!!

Check out some more pics from our weekend! 

Eli discovered he DOES like a Nuk!

Natalie...Momma in training

She even put her to sleep!

Daddy to the Rescue

Yesterday was planned to be a family day.  We don't get a lot of days together with all four of us, so a day with no other responsibilities, other than having fun, sounded fantastic!

At Christmas, we received a gift certificate to Eagles Nest indoor playground in New Brighton.  We decided to head there since it has been so rainy, gloomy, and unseasonably cool for a Minnesota June!  The kids were excited, mom and dad were excited, not a lot of people were there...perfection!  Until...we were walking away from guest services after getting the kids fitted for wrist bands and we noticed a sign that said "Attention Eagles Nest Guests (mouthful!!!!) At 9:30, 105 kids will be arriving."  I looked at Ross and said -is that today? -yep  -oh crap, thats a lot of kids!  We decided not to worry and played for a good half hour UNTIL, we saw them!  Lines of kids, out the door.  Now if you have ever been to Eagles Nest, this place should not hold over 100 kids.  Honestly, it should not hold over 60 kids.

Now to where the daddy saving occurs.  The kids were up in the loft area when the 100 streamed in to the playground.  I told my mom later that day, it reminded me a lot of the scene from Toy Story 3 when the toys are waiting in the daycare for recess to be over and all the toddlers come rushing in from recess and they are loud and crazy and pushing, oh my!  We are from a small town, live a quiet life, so this was a lot for my kiddos. 

I look up to the loft and there is Eli looking down at us from one of the little windows with a look of pure terror on his face.  Here it comes, the tears.  He is bawling!  He is scared, there are kids pushing him from every angle...he is almost 3, still a baby in my eyes and he could't find his sister.  Ross throws off his shows..."ELI NEEDS ME!"  He runs up that playground like he was two!!!!  Then, he COULDN'T FIND HIM!!!!  Ross was stuck in the same spot Eli was, surrounded by kids!!!  I see Natalie, I tell her "your brother is crying, go save him!"  She runs off and finds him in a corner crying....they made it down to me, Ross made it down to me, and WE LEFT!  It was a very exciting experience to say the very least!!

Since we were only five minutes from where Ross and I went to college, we took the kids for a little tour of Bethel!

So many memories.  So many friendships made.  So much debt incurred!  It was just as beautiful as I remembered. 

Since our original play date was a flop, we headed down to Mall of America to hit up some rides and Natalie needed a new John Smith Barbie (she is in love with him)!  We had a blast!  This was probably one of the best days we have had as a family of four.  So.Much.Fun!

Last night, before I went to bed, I came across this quote on the Proverbs 31 Ministries website from Jen Hatmaker

"You will never have this day with your children again.  Tomorrow, they'll be a little older than they were today.  This day is a gift.  Breathe and notice.  Smell and touch them; study their faces and little feet and pay attention.  Relish the charms of the present.  Enjoy today, mama.  It will be over before you know it."

THAT is exactly what I intend to do today!!!  Have a great Friday everyone! 

 

My New Obsession...A Whole New Me (Minus the Expletives!)

It isn't clothing, alcohol, or the latest fad diet.  My latest obsession is blogging.  I LOVE it!!!!  I love the freeing sense, blogging gives me when I am able to write my thoughts down for others to read.  People who don't know me, but who are choosing to read this blog and therefore are choosing to get to know me!  I LOVE that!

I have had a lot of positive feedback so far but in regards to my last couple of posts, things just weren't sitting well with me.  I consider myself a funny person, but I tend to take it too far for shock value.  I will admit that I am not a saint when it comes to my vocabulary.  It is another easy way for me to express myself, but that is not how I want to be portrayed through my blog.  How can I claim to be a woman of faith and talk about my beliefs and then turn around and throw out a couple expletives.  Not very lady like and slightly distasteful.  So to my fellow readers, my mom, and my in-laws...I am sorry.  I can be funny, but not crude.

Now that the difficult part is over with, apologies can be so hard and admitting you are wrong...whoa!  I want to introduce you to someone.  We are best friends.  Are you ready?  Meet Mac!  Some days I spend more time with my computer than I do with my husband.  Don't judge...he works a lot!

Now for my office space.  I run a small business from home.  I started an Etsy business called CindyBlue Designs, selling my moms artwork through greeting cards, napkin holders, and other fantastic products.  We took our home office space and combined it into a joint space for home/work so I could spend time with the kids instead of being stuck in the basement with all my stock!

I'm hoping this summer to paint...this room needs a major color re-do!

Meet Ross...my high school sweetheart and husband of almost 8 years!

No worries, his face doesn't always look like that :)

My other love...a Canon Rebel T3i

A package ready to head out to California

The true reasons why I blog...my loves, why I breathe, why I wake up in the morning, the cause of all my frustrations and the material I have to write about.  Eli and Natalie!

I have welcomed you into my home, I have introduced you to my family, I have shown you where I work...it is just like we are dating now!  You are part of our family!  Welcome to the craziness!  There is never a dull moment in our house.  The great part about all of this?  I CANNOT wait to share it with you!!!

Struggles of a Small Business

How do you make a business succeed?  More importantly, how do you make a business succeed from the ground up?  This is one of my biggest struggles lately and it consumes my thoughts.  I find that running a business from home has many highs and lows.  Like a high from drugs (I don't know from experience :),  it is only temporary and my low will last a week to a week and a half.  Then I have to pick myself up and get re-inspired.  It is so frustrating!  I am not looking for insta-success, I just didn't know it would be so hard.

The most gratifying part of running my own business is knowing when all the hours and hard work that I am putting into the business pays off.  I may only sell one greeting card, but that is one more card sold than the day before.  My other favorite part?  Reading all the positive reviews that potential customers leave about our products to my mom.  It is so nice to let her know that her work is appreciated and they can't wait to hand out her labels for gifts!  What an amazing feeling!  See...highs and lows!!!!  Lows and highs!

Right now I am focusing on ways to conquer the lows and stay more focused and driven on the highs.  Yesterday, I spent a good chunk of my day on www.craftcount.com, reviewing the top Etsy sellers in the paper products category.  This is not to copy what they do.  This is not to do business the way they do business.  I know what I want from CindyBlue Designs.  I just need a couple of really great references.  Companies who are established on Etsy, making sales, they have followers and they sell similar product lines to us.  What does that do?  It shows me that it is possible!  These people and what they do are my driving force!  I have only been in business for a year, but they make me not want to quit.  I can do this and I will not give up.  Success is possible.  Don't forget, success is not measured in dollars...it is measured in how you view yourself and your accomplishments!

I want to give props to Julie Ann, of Julie Ann Art.  She doesn't know me or my mom or what we do at CindyBlue Designs on Etsy, but she has been a huge inspiration to me.  You can check her out at www.julieannart.com.  I want to thank you Julie Ann for inspiring me and for reminding me not to quit when it gets hard.  I want to thank you for reminding me to laugh and conquer fears.  Thank you for what you do!

What's a Diet?

As I am sitting here eating my 11.4 oz bag of peanut butter M&M's, I notice the bag is 3/4 of the way gone.  Good Lord!!!  Did I really eat all of those?  I sure hope my husband took some with him to work tonight.  We can be chunky together!

I always knew that I was never going to be the tall and lanky type like my mom, my aunt, or my sister.  I have the Blue genes (get it??  Blue genes???!!!! Lame?  Too much?)  I have the build of my dad's side of the family.  Shorter, a little beefier and rounder, but I missed out on the asset of boobs.  Bummer.  I got the ass though...yay!  Let me tell you...I worked hard for it too.  I had to do a lot of squats with my colicky baby to earn these cheeks!

Now a diet.  There are so many people around me, close to me, taking part in diets and "mad crazy" exercise routines.  My cousin Sara is nuts and I believe my other cousin referred to herself as a "gym rat."  Now, I'm not hating.  I'm just PMS'ing.  I even tried the diet and exercise thing...for 9 days!  I was so good at it too.  I ate no sugar, I was eating sprouts and making smoothies!  Shit...I even bought protein powder (I used it once, it tasted gross.  Anyone want it?).  Diets are not for me!  I found this pin on Pinterest and it sums me up perfectly...

http://i.imgur.com/NCTe4.jpg

Ross always laughs at me, because I am so hard core in the beginning.  Since we have been married, we have owned multiple workout DVD's, hand weights, ankle weights, a stepper, an elliptical, a stationary bike stand (to make your mountain bike usable indoors), a jump rope, a kettle bell, and I think that is it.  Go ahead and laugh.  I am laughing with you, because I am insane!!!!  You know what my problem is?  I love too much.  I love...

• pizza
• chocolate
• coffee
• ice cream
• chocolate
• coffee
• chocolate
• chips
• hot dogs
• cup cakes
• coffee
• and more chocolate and coffee and chocolate and coffee and chocolate........

I love everything that is bad for you and I need to come to terms with the fact that my kids are my exercise routine.  I was the skinniest and healthiest I have ever been when I was chasing around Natalie as a two year old.  I am older now.  I know that I am not perfect and I love me for who I am.  I am ok with that.  I am ok with people who want to be fit.  I want to eat.  I love to cook and I love to eat.  I love how I look and I love how my husband looks at me.  I know that I am beautiful because of him and because of my kids.  I don't need a jeans size to tell me I am beautiful.  God made me.  How could I be ugly?